I can be a lemon, too.

I was finally struck with the realization that at times I am the lemon souring my life. More specifically, it's my poor attitude, juicy with self-pity,  that needs to be transformed into lemonade. The other night I was watching an old Werner Herzog documentary about the Mezquitos in Nicaragua during the war in the 1980's. Immediately I saw through the lens of the real suffering of real victims by the injustice of a bad war that I am so, so fortunate. My address is Easy Street and I am not lacking for the necessities of life. But, I also have the luxury of a worry-free life and the blessing of excellent health. I feel like "the 1%" when I compare myself to the victims of the Sandinistas and to the peoples who are suffering today from injustice, violence, hunger, poverty, addictions, and pestilence. It's so easy to lose sight of what I have in our "land of plenty" and "land of opportunity", imperfect as it is for there are many who suffer here, too. But, taking it all into account, the Universe is taking excellent care of me. But... without lemons there's be no lemonade. Think about that...

Rocky Roads and Lemonade

I underwent a colonoscopy yesterday and I feel lousy. I have no desire to eat or drink. I slept and slept and slept and still just want to sleep, 24 hours later. My head is athrob in a vise-like pain across my forehead. My spiritual peace is not in balance, either. My heart feels uncertain about my love life. Unfortunately, my sad financial picture plays into this… but it shouldn’t. I have murmuring thoughts of coming out of retirement to be independent once more. I am not always happy at home with Ron. I am the one to blame. He is just who he is. He is earnest, authentic and loyal but my lifestyle expectations clash with his. Beggars can’t be choosers, so I go along with.  My wish is to be independently living and still have adventures with Ron. Oh, I don’t know but yes I do. My weakness gets me into these unhappy relationships. I’m at a low point, physically and spiritually and it will pass. This stretch of road is rocky but it will surely even out. It always does, and I will always know that I can make lemonade from the lemons in my life.